i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
