The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
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