you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
