I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
