just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
