It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
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