Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
