I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
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