You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
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