Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
