We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
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