It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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