okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
