You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Randomize
