Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
