I think i peed on brittanys purse
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
