everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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