How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
