dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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