This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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