Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
