I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
