whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
