I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
