I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
accomplished twins. life is a go
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
