Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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