i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I intend to get homeless drunk
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Randomize
