does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
