I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Operation Purity has been aborted
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
