If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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