do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
