Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
