With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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