are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
