what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Holy sore nipples Batman
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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