Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
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