Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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