Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I'd cum for enchiladas.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
