Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
