Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
