a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
