I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
