So drunk its hurt
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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