she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
