found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
