Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
