i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
