if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
