Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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