some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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