from now on my penis is your penis
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
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