Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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