just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
